I can honestly say that joining a trans support group was life changing for me.

When I first came to Connecticut Outreach Society (COS) some ten years ago, I never realized just how much I didn't know, but COS helped me learn. I had not really understood a lot of what I was going through, but COS helped me make sense of things. Some of my best friends (in both "boy mode" and "girl mode") I met through COS. COS helped me make decisions and helped me find others in the community. COS allowed my wife to become more familiar with the trans community too and that helped her and our relationship.

Not everyone has had the same experience with COS or with other support groups. Still, I suspect that most of us have experienced things that had similarities. I also suspect that anyone who has not yet been involved with a support group will experience many of the same things if they get involved with one.

Some people that I have talked with have looked to online communities for support. Online communities can be beneficial and they can offer much. In many ways, online communities and support groups mean to do the same things, although they differ in how they provide their support. Support groups allow people to talk face-to-face whereas online communities are essentially people typing short messages to each other. In my not so humble opinion, people can communicate so much better in person than via email or message board.

Online communities are wonderful for providing libraries of information and archives of past discussions. Although online communities excel with discussions that include large numbers of people, the discussions tend not to be very in-depth. Time and time again, we learn from marketers and sociologists that people prefer to do their online reading in short bursts of brief paragraphs. Take a look at any of the online news services for examples. The home page for CNN is little more than headlines that navigate to articles that are each typically less than a thousand words. A quick survey of some of the many email lists that I subscribe to shows the typical message is only a few paragraphs long and involve only a few replies. Taken together as a single "thread," these online conversations typically are less than one thousand words.

A thousand words may be more than what you need.

Most support groups have an online presence, such as a website or Yahoo group or blog, but the online presence is usually fairly limited. In many cases, this is a fairly conscious decision by the group. The most effective way for support groups to support people is by providing a physical space in which people can dress and interact. Being able to meet people face-to-face is, in many ways, so much more meaningful than online chats, emails, or picture swapping. Although most groups do that too, you can communicate so much more easily verbally than through typing.

When you get to meet people at a support group, you get more than just a name, a picture, and a few words in an email. You get to see the real person. You can be confident that the person talking to you is real rather than someone who stole some lingerie model's picture and claims to be an authority on all things. In short, you make friends with "real people."

Also, support groups are great ways to "get out of the closet for a while" without "going public." Most people who attend a t-support group at trans themselves and are sympathetic. You don't have to "pass" at a support group meeting. You don't have to feel embarrassed if you don't pass well because there is no risk of some "civilian" gawking at you because you look might look like a "guy in a dress." Often confidence does not come easily the first time one ventures from the safety of their own room. Having a "safe place" to change and to meet others is a wonderful way to test the waters and build up that confidence.

Sure, you can attend various trans-related social events, but these don't provide the same kind of interaction as what you get with a support group. Actually, COS was formed because people were unsatisfied with get-togethers at bars. At bars, you have loud music, which makes it hard to have meaningful conversations. At bars, you have non-trans folk there who may be hitting on you. At bars, it can be expensive because you have to buy drinks, food, etc. At bars, you can easily chat one-on-one with a person, but it is very hard to have a meaningful group conversation. In short, support groups give you a proper environment to help each other, ask questions, and develop as a person -- things not normally associated with bars.

Don't get me wrong, I still like doing the social things too! I think that having a decent social life is very important. I make an effort to attend the regular get-togethers at Triangles in Danbury as well as other special events when I can. Often, I'll meet up with friends at a support group meeting and after the meeting, head out to a bar or club. It is just that each type of event has it's role...

You may wish to look into attending one of the conferences that take place nearly every month somewhere around the country. Although I'll be the first to say that I am not objective about these conferences since I am actively involved with a few, I do honestly think that they are truly worthwhile.

Most conferences are a combination of workshops and social events and most make available professional services, such as makeovers, wigs, corsets, shoes, jewelry, and medical consultations. The workshops can range anywhere from the trivial, such as "How to be a Sissy Maid" to the serious, such as "Gender Theory 101." Over the years, I have learned so much by attending these conferences -- and not just from the workshops. Being able to hang out with people with whom you can have fun with as you learn from them is really special. Plus, these conference typically hold some sort of formal event, so you get an opportunity to get really dolled up.

But for as beneficial as I feel conferences can be, these conferences are most often held annually. Many people need support more frequently than once every fifty two weeks.

Just as conferences present workshops, so do most support groups. A conference may give the attendee opportunities for sit in on a dozen or so workshops in a few short days. A support group may offer a similar twelve topics but over twelve months. Sure, a conference will often attract higher profile personalities, but the costs associated with a conference are also higher.

If a person is just starting to explore their gender issues, they may not want to devote multiple days to a conference in city that is out of state. Others may not be able to afford to take the time off from work and still others may not be able to afford the cost, however reasonable, of attending the conference. Support groups provide a relatively inexpensive way to learn a lot.

In short, there are many ways to get support and each has its advantages although support groups tend to be the best for what you are looking for - support.